I've forgotten how to show emotion...

I like to think of myself as a vessel of advice for all my friends and family (I have been called wise beyond my years many times). However, in paying attention to myself for once I've realised I'm awfully quick to shut down any feelings or cause for distress. Bad Emma!

How have I only just noticed this you ask? Well, I'll set the mood for you. It was a cloudy day, all lectures had been attended, and my friend decides to tell me I have a "Phat" wall up... Very out of the blue yet, it was a conversation that was needed. She continues to say how I'm always the jokey, sarcastic character to bring everyones mood up but, there has not been a time where my feelings have been discussed.

Maybe I am just a happy person.

Definitely not!

It has become apparent to me recently that I haven't opened up to anyone, and actually I find it very hard to open up and make myself vulnerable. Since learning this about myself I have taken it upon myself to either get in touch with someone, our step outside the house if I start to feel down or angry in any way. Locking yourself indoors is NOT helpful, especially if you're keeping all of what you're feeling to yourself. Think about it, if you have an issue with someone, or something, it's better resolved through discussing the issue. something you can't do by yourself.

Something far more complicated for me is letting that someone in. I've been on the 'dating' scene for around a year and a half now and I do find it draining. Although I've dated a few people, I have never seen them long enough to make anything serious of it. And if it was getting to the point of being serious, I found an excuse and ended it. Suddenly looking back on this, I saw the wall.

Everyone goes through breakups, but why do they effect our confidence and personalities so much? Looking at myself in particular, I have become the person who doesn't show interest, or open myself up when meeting someone. Instead, I am jokey me - only ever showing the happy side and making the other person happy too. I do this because I think who wants to see the emotional, fragile side of me? Who is going to be interested in someone who has issues and is 'damaged goods' and upset half the time? This isn't the correct way to think, but we've all been there or in a similar position - it's normal to think these things.

Although normal, my thoughts transformed into me questioning my personality. This sarcastic, jokey person I had become - was it real, or had I developed this behaviour as a self defence mechanism? Through talking to the people closest to me I have been reassured this is all in my head yet, I do need to open myself up more to vulnerable situations. I need to find my voice again and learn how it is completely normal to feel down from time to time. I also need to learn how everyone appreciates that I have feelings and how if you ask, people will be completely fine with talking things through.

Mental health has become very prominent in the media at the moment, in particular people are saying take a minute to TALK. This is a huge message and everyone should take it on board whether you struggle from mental health issues or not. No matter how you feel, talking to someone will always help.

Don't keep your feelings to yourself!

I am trying to follow this and so should you.